WHY I DON'T WAX

I mentioned in my most recent food column on Ashvegas.com that I don't read West Asheville Exchange (WAX), and some of you might be wondering why.


I mean, 10, 811 members (at last count) couldn't be wrong, right?  Of course not.  You're fiiine.  You're all fiine.  Carry on, please.  I'm definitely not saying that you shouldn't read WAX, but here's why I don't:


It seems  -- from what I hear  --  to be a forum where Trolls and Haters run rampant.


Gross.

Here are some of the stories that I've heard about WAX from other people.  Keep in mind that I have no clue if any of this is true, but it's what I've heard, and it's enough to make me 100% not interested...


• There was a thread about a music shop, or something like that, which resulted in one of the commentors confronting another commentor in the real world, and the police being called into action.  Um.  No.  Thank you.


• There was another thread "tearing Barleycorn's a new one," according to a friend, because the owner is an "asshole who parks his car in front of the restaurant every day."  When I was all, like,  "What?!?"  my friend explained to me that people were pissed because that spot should be for customers.  Good lord.  Fights about parking?  On line?!?  Get a fucking grip.


• Other posts are posed as direct questions to the forum about what they think of specific people.  Like, individual people being thrust up in front of the world, and every hater in Asheville being invited to spew their bile about this or that person.  What.  The fuck.  Is up.  With THAT?!?  That's... just wrong.


Now, like I said, I have no idea how much of the above is true, but I do know that I have zero  ---  ZERO  --  interest in inviting anything close to that kind of energy into my eyeballs, mind, heart, or soul.  I'm a sensitive mutherfucker, Betches.  I do not need to be reading hateful bullshit from assholes that I don't even know.


I get enough of that in the Ashvegas comments section.


You guys know that ever since I started writing about food for Jason at Ashvegas, I have been not only a Roll Biter but a Troll Fighter...  and a muhfuckin' PO-ette!   I've made no secret of the fact that I hate Trolls.  I think they are the worst sort of people on Earth.


The Trolls immediately decided that they hate me too.  They hate my writing style, my lack of fancy credentials, my swearing, my ability to...  I don't really know...   make friends with other people?   After my very first column, a certain segment of Asheville simply decided to hate me for whatever reason, and to take the opportunity to write their hateful thoughts about me in the comments section under my food column week after week.  I had fun fighting with them for a little while, but it's pointless in the end  --  you cut off one head, only to find that two, even stupider and more annoying ones will grow back  --  so eventually I stopped paying much attention to my own comments section.  That's a shame really, because I used to enjoy the positive energy from the normal, human, readers, but eventually, I decided it wasn't worth the negative energy generated by the Trolls, so I stopped looking.


This week however,  I noticed that one of the Trolls  --  a frequent commentor on WAX from what I hear  --  popped-up in the comments of my most recent Ashvegas column and decided to take my statement that I don't read WAX as a direct "dig" at him.  Fuckin' Trolls.  Such egos.  Such babies.  Such is the life of a Troll.  Always under imagined attack, and ready to lash out.  This particular Troll is one of the ones that is constantly questioning my integrity as a food writer.  What an asshole.  Exactly the kind of asshole I seek to avoid by not reading WAX.


I heard from a friend that my column, with its tiny mention of West Asheville Exchange...  and a link to a 12 hour sound effect of chirping crickets...  kicked off a "shit storm" over there.  She also said, "So far it's mostly been me defending you against a bunch of idiots."


I love my friends.


What I don't love is the fact that there's a public forum in this town in which individuals regularly attack, and are forced to defend, each other.  That's not very Ashevillian, Maaaan.  Ain't we supposed to be a community?  Not to get all Rodney King on ya over here, but...  I need a drink!


Ha!  Just kidding.  Sorry, Ghost of Rodney King, I loved ya, Brother.  I wish you'd stayed off the sauce, and stuck around a little longer.


You guys know what really killed Rodney King, right?


Motherfuckers not getting along!!! 


True story.


And that's why I don't read WAX.


But that's just me.


###


I sent this piece to Dawn for her opinion before posting, and she suggested that I tie it into food a little bit more. Well, the only reason WAX is even on my radar these days is because people have been asking me if I've read this or that other crazy hateful thing about this or that other restaurant on WAX.  One restaurant owner even said to me, "We got WAXed today."  He had a sad.  I told him not to worry about it.


Here's my advice to restaurant owners, servers, and chefs who get WAXed:  Remember Biscuitgate.


You guys remember Biscuitgate, right?


Apparently, someone had gone on WAX and claimed ("claims" are a classic Troll tactic) that they found an empty margarine tub (I think) in a dumpster behind the building in which in the original Biscuit Head is located.   This touched off such a shit storm of debate, and resulted in a thread so long that Jason from Ashvegas once told me it was one of the longest threads he'd ever seen.  And this is a guy who's seen a LOT of threads.


I'd been hearing the word Biscuitgate for a week or more, from a few different sources, so I was finally like, "Okay, I gotta check this shit out.  It's gotta be AWESOME."


It was not.


It was one of the biggest loads of bullshit and nothingness on the internet that I've ever wasted my time on...  and I'm a guy who has wasted a LOT of time on bullshit and nothingness on the internet.


The "debate" went on..  and on...  and on... and mutherfucking on and on and on...  never coming to head, or reaching conclusions...  quickly breaking down into people simply trying to out-do each other with really lame jokes, and then those same lame jokes being repeated by other people later on in the thread, because they hadn't read the whole thread and had missed those lame jokes the first...  second...  third time they were posted by someone else...  the whole thing was so full of pure, unmoderated dumbnesses that I was instantly made dumber simply by looking at it.


I can feel the dumbening start to creep in just from thinking and writing about it now.


Later, I asked Jason if Biscuit Head ever responded to the thread, and he said, "No."


Extremely smart move, Biscuit Head. Congrats on your booming business and your second location, by the way.


From that point on, the term "Biscuitgate" has been a bit of a euphemism around here for anything that seems like a big deal, possibly even a scandal, but really isn't.


I hope to never waste my time giving one iota of a shit about another Biscuitgate ever again.


And THAT is another reason I don't read WAX.  A reason that is related to food.  Dawn.


###

MY LATEST FOOD COLUMNS ARE UP ON ASHVEGAS.COM

I forgot to post a  link here last week for my Ashvegas food column, so I'm doubling down with links to last week AND this week...

1) HOT DOGS AND DOUGHNUTS

I review a single hot dog from Greenlife Grocery as well as the black dog at King James Pub, then move on to a doughnutty rant that ends with a review of Hole in West Asheville.

Click HERE to read it on Ashvegas.com

Here are the owners of Hole Doughnuts on Haywood Ave in West Asheville.  They were super nice!

2) BISCUIT HEAD / VORTEX / HEMPEH

I recount the mystery meat experience that I had on my first visit to  Biscuit Head in West Asheville, but give their brisket biscuit the thumbs up at their Biltmore Ave location.  Then I rave about Vortex Doughnuts for a bit and end with a plea to help support a new, locally made product called Hempeh.

Click HERE to read it on Ashvegas.com

Here I am with one of the owners of Vortex Doughnuts, also super nice!

THE JONAS GERARD PROJECT

This one is titled "Red Velvet Heart."  Mixed media w/ frosting, food coloring, and cupcake paper. 

GAN SHAN PREVIEW

Dawn and I purchased tickets to a preview of the food that will be served at Gan Shan Station, when it opens its doors (hopefully) this winter.

The preview was hosted by Metro Wines, and was a good deal, as we got 5 courses, and Dawn got 5 glasses of wine, all for about $45 dollars per person.  It would have been a much better deal if I also drank wine, but I don't, so whatever.

Metro Wines is a nice little shop up on N. Charlotte street, right next to the Charlotte Street Grille.  Gan Shan Station is the name of the new asian fusion place that's slated to take over the truly horrible and much hated BP Station that's been abandoned in a terrible state of decay, detracting in a big way from that otherwise very nice little neighborhood for years.

That station has been an eyesore ever since I can remember  --  even when it was still a functioning garage  --  so we're all very glad that it's going to become something potentially awesome!

Here are some pictures from the evening...

The Menu was fixed.

The place looked really great.  That's dawn scoping-out the wine in the background, and that's my Starb's cup really classin'-up the joint in foreground.  They didn't have coffee available that night, but they said I could bring my own, so I did.

They have a lot of fun little signs all over the store that tell you who likes what, and even which local restaurants their wines are poured at.

The beef tartar on a crispy rice thingy was one of the best parts of the meal.  I never thought I would like raw meat on a cracker, but this town is so full of tartar these days, that I'm really getting to like it!  Dawn said the sparkling sake was a little too sweet for her liking.

Wine shop selfie!

Here's Patrick O'Cain on the mic, he's going to be the head chef / owner at Gan Shan Station. He came over to our table and was very nice!  He grew up here in Asheville right in that same neighborhood, and seems very excited, sincere, and enthusiastic about the future!  That's the wine guy in front of him, I forget his name, he was very nice too, and funny, and very down to Earth. 

This smoked trout salad with shaved veg was very good.  Dawn said it might have been her fave of the evening.  We both agreed that they gave us too much of it, though.  It was only the 2nd course and we were already getting full!  As we attend more and more of these "tastings" and other food events, we are noticing that there is a real skill to portioning at various types of happenings.  I remember being even slightly pissed-off at one of the vendors at the burger battle for giving us a largeish burger!  Size matters.

I am not the hugest fan of terrine.  I find that it has an ick factor for me, after the third or fourth bite.  I ate all of the stuff on this plate however, but more out of guilt than pure enjoyment.  I was quietly gagging on the last two bites of terrine.  That's just me though.  And Dawn.  She's even less of a fan of terrine than I am.

We both enjoyed the terrine more when it was mixed with all the other stuff on the plate into a "bite."

This is octopus.  It was good but the dish suffered a little bit because it wasn't served hot, but lukewarm. That was probably due to the fact that they were working without a proper kitchen, because the event was in a wine shop, so while understandable, I think the dish would have been better had it been hot.   Dawn found the puree on the bottom unappealing, but I enjoyed it.  The peppers were mild and tasty.   

This is black rice congee with a poached egg on top.  I did not enjoy this very much at all, and found it to be completely out of place at this tasting.  The portion was way too large, and the over-all feel of the dish was very breakfasty.  The time was, maybe, 8pm by this point, we'd been eating various small plates of weird food all night, so I simply wasn't anywhere near in the mood for a big ol' hearty bowl o' breakfast.

I also found this dish to be very "low brow," which can be fine, even preferred in a different setting, but not here at the wine shop.  Congee is, essentially, and Asian version of grits, and people eat it for breakfast the same way that we eat grits down South or they eat Cream of Wheat up North.  There's nothing exotic, or exciting to me about a bowl of Asian grits with an egg on top.

Others felt that the additional hot chili oil was too hot.  I found it to be the saving grace of the dish, which was otherwise very bland to me.

Dawn seemed to enjoy this dish more than I did.

For dessert there were two pieces of candy.  Disappointles to the maxwad.

I was pretty disappointed in general, to be honest, and while I feel as though Gan Shan Station will be a huge asset to that neighborhood and I'm very very super duper glad that it is opening up and replacing the empty rotting nightmare BP Station that has stood there for so long, I'm personally not super stoked to go eat there when it opens.

Dawn wants to go though, so I'll be there too, keeping a positive mental attitude, and hopefully enjoying a wonderful meal.

###

Here's the interior of the BP Station where Gan Shan will go, before renovations (and before the panorama option on iPhone).

I lived in that hood for years and hated the fuck out of this BP Station.  It made me mad. 

I once did a whole photo shoot there and posted a rant against it on FaceBook. 

You can see the rest of those pics and read the rantings HERE.



###

ONE OF THOSE IDIOTS

From Wikipedia:

TROLL - In Internet slang, a troll (/ˈtroʊl/, /ˈtrɒl/) is a person who sows discord on the Internet by starting arguments or upsetting people,^[1] by posting inflammatory,^[2] extraneous, or off-topic messages in an online community (such as a newsgroup, forum, chat room, or blog) with the deliberate intent of provoking readers into an emotional response^[3] or of otherwise disrupting normal on-topic discussion.^[4]

Trolls are amusing. 

They twist and spin, and hiss and spit, and rant and rave, and act like complete and total assholes about one subject or another in online discussions, all the while misspelling every other word, and getting most of the facts wrong along the way.

Nice people are not as amusing.  They weigh in on a subject, letting you know the (actual) facts, spelling stuff right, and trying not to offend or mistreat other people involved in the discussion.

You could say they're boring. 

The following interview might be a little bit boring.

Especially when compared to the one I did with that hideous fucking Troll who showed up on my Facebook page back in September, this interview, which is a reaction to that interview, is boring as fuck.

My interview subject  --  one Mr. Brian VVolfe  --   is not a boring person, he doesn't say boring things, but he also doesn't accidentally write anything hilariously ignorant, or reveal himself to be a racist, or tell me he wants to "puke all over" me the way that Troll did.  Brian is a normal person.  A nice person.

So why did I interview nice guy, Brian? 

Because he's one of "those idiots" who graduated from ABTech.

In my interview with that Troll, he said the following:

"Ab tech kids get the bullshit idea in their head that they are better then everyone else and ect. They build up their graduates to think they are going to be world class chefs. In reality they are ranked 78th in the country and have a 80% drop out rate. The employers around here love hiring those idiots "

I put out a call on my Facebook Page, asking for graduates of ABTech to contact me if any were willing to go on record and be interviewed about their experiences before, during, and after their stint at ABTech.  Brian answered the call. 

The following is a verbatim transcript of our correspondence.  Nothing has been changed, edited, deleted, or omitted.  I did not "fix" any of my own writing or Brain's after the fact.  As you can see, Brian, unlike that Troll, has a command of the English language and an ability to form full sentences with words that are spelled correctly and phrases that make sense.  There's even proper punctuation and use of capitals.

Brian didn't ask me to "spellingcheck" his interview, the way that Troll did.  He seems to have mastered the art of written communication quite well on his own.  Here's what he had to say...


THE FOLLOWING INTERVIEW WAS CONDUCTED OVER THE COURSE OF A FEW DAYS
via FACEBOOK MESSENGER


Brian VVolfe - Oct 10th, 1:58pm

Hey Stu. I graduated from AB Tech's Culinary program last May. I don't quite fit your criteria since I have moved back to Atlanta for work but I would be more than willing to complete an interview if you're interested. Steve Goff is a friend of mine and just enlightened me on this whole situation.


Stu Helm: The Food Critic - Oct 13th, 8:21am

Hi Brian! Thanks for the note, and the willingness to be interviewed on this subject. It's true that I'm hoping t interview a ABTech Grad who works in Asheville, but I think it would be great for people to hear what an ABTech grad is doing out there in the world too!

Are you from Asheville originally? Why did you choose ABTech?


Brian VVolfe - Oct 13th, 12:10pm

I grew up in Atlanta, Georgia. I looked at CIA, Johnson and Wales in Denver and Charlotte, and the Art Institute. I decided on AB Tech because it was the most realistic to the industry, best value for the quality of curriculum, and the Chef instructors do not just push people through the program for the sake of doing so. The low graduation rate was a a determining factor for me personally because I knew it would be a challenge and I knew I would get more out of school being surrounded by serious, driven individuals.


Stu Helm: The Food Critic - Oct 13th, 1:52pm

That's awesome! When you graduated -- and moved back to Atlanta -- what was the first step you took in your career, what positions at what restaurants did you first seek out, how may jobs did you apply for, and how long did it take to find a job?

Do you think your ABTech degree was helpful in your job search, like, people had heard of ABTech, and respected your degree?


Brian VVolfe - Oct 14th, 1:08am

I had a job offer at the end of my first year of school from Chef Joe Schafer at King + Duke but decided to do my internship at McCrady's in Charleston and finish my degree before I moved back to Atlanta. I worked on the wood burning hearth at King + Duke for 4 months. Chef Joe resigned from King + Duke about a month ago and is taking over as Exec at Abattoir next week. I put my notice in shortly after Joe left and I have been working the line at Bacchanalia for the past week and will be going to Abattoir as Sous Chef next week.

I had already been in the industry for several years before starting school at AB Tech. Most people I have worked with have not heard of AB Tech. Those that have always speak highly of it. The main things I took from AB Tech are technique, professionalism, and respect for this lifestyle and trade. All of which have helped me to where I am today.

I had not heard of AB Tech's culinary program until I had really started searching for schools. Atlanta is less than 4 hours away. They should definitely broaden their proximity for marketing and advertisement.


Stu Helm: The Food Critic - Oct 15th, 7:52am

Thanks for these answers, Brian! You seem like a real go-getter, with a positive mental attitude, a strong work ethic, and an ability to network. I think those things are essential to success in any venture.

I graduated from a small art school no one has ever heard of called The Art Institute of Boston. It's not a top-rated school by any means, but it sure as fuck taught me the importance of hard work, a friendly handshake, and a solid skill base when it came time to look for work in the Art industry. It sounds like ABTech is similar in that regard.

Okay, so, you know that I'm interviewing you because of an exchange I had with a hideous Troll through FaceBook. Among other outrageous things, he wrote:

"Ab tech kids get the bullshit idea in their head that they are better then everyone else and ect. They build up their graduates to think they are going to be world class chefs. In reality they are ranked 78th in the country and have a 80% drop out rate. The employers around here love hiring those idiots "

Do you have a reaction to that, as one of "those idiots?"

Please keep in mind that I intend to post your answer, along with your name on my blog, which may be seen by as many as 700+ people, many of them in the food industry.


Brian VVolfe - Oct 17th, 9:15pm

AB Tech is most certainly similar to the Art Institute of Boston in that regard. One benefits and takes from a school as much as they are willing to put into it. As one of "those idiots," I think that this guy's uneducated blanket statement about AB Tech's Culinary program and their graduates is laughable and obviously coming from an incredibly bitter standpoint. He obviously has had run ins with AB Tech graduates and drop-outs that have rubbed him the wrong way. I know that some of this resentment comes from the fact that he was not hired by some of them and not paid very well by others, which only really gives us some insight into the strength of his resume and his talent as a cook. AB Tech's drop out rate is damn near close to 80% and for good reason. The Culinary Program is part of a Community College that is funded by its state and county. This differs from the private Culinary schools in the nation that charge an arm and a leg for tuition. AB Tech does not benefit at all from pushing unmotivated, untalented, and disinterested people through the program because they are not reaping the reward of their tuition. Private schools, such as the one this gentleman attended, catch a lot of flak from people in the industry for pushing students through because they depend on the profits. AB Tech has such a high drop out rate because it is a difficult program. I saw first hand that people realize very quickly they are not cut out to finish and drop like flies. Everyone that graduated with me is NOT going to be a successful Chef but some of them most certainly are, I have no doubts about this. The vast majority of people that graduated with me worked their asses off for their degree and most certainly deserve some respect for finishing it. AB Tech was most certainly a beneficial stepping stone in my career. I owe a lot of what I know and how I handle myself to Chef John Hofland, Chef Fred Snyder, and my peers.


Stu Helm: The Food Critic - Oct 20th, 6:19am

Thank you so much for these answers and for doing this interview with me, Brian! You obviously have a great attitude and have found success in the food industry as a result of that attitude, combined with hard work, and the skills you learned at ABTech.

I'm going to type this up into a story for my blog and I will let you know when it's ready for reading and sharing etc.

Do you have any pictures of yourself in action that I can use to illustrate the piece?

Thanks again, Brian! This was terrific!

Brian sent this picture of himself, hard at work in the kitchen.

- END INTERVIEW -

Yawn.  So boring.  So awesomely, intelligently, well-mannered, thoughtful, informative, and boring.  Brian didn't even come back to my FaceBook page later to post hardcore gay porn and threaten to punch me in the face the way that Troll eventually did.  As far as I know, he hasn't written my girlfriend an FB message telling her "I know who you are.  I know where you work." the way that Troll did either.

I don't even think he's going to puke all over me if we ever meet.  SO BORING!!!

I want to thank Brian VVolfe for this interview, it was exactly the tonic this discussion needed after the poisonous infection it got from that Troll.

I would love to hear from more boring people who graduated from ABTech. Are you one of "those idiots"  --  those hard-working, positive minded, successful idiots  -- who is now working in the culinary world?  I want to hear your stories, good and bad, about ABTech.

You can send me a private message through my FaceBook page.

Thanks, everyone, for reading this far.  Here's a reward...

AUNT SALLY'S HOUSE

Dawn and I flew to NYC to eat some food, see the sights, and most of all, visit our beloved Aunt Sally.

Aunt Sally doesn't live right in NYC, but in a suburb called Larchmont, and Aunt Sally isn't really our aunt , but rather a friend, named Sally, whom I once called Aunt Sally, and have ever since.

A trip to NYC always means a trip to Aunt Sally's house, where she graciously allows friends to stay for a day, a weekend... weeks on end, while they visit the city, check out the scene... figure out what the fuck they're doing with their lives.

We stayed with Aunt Sally for three nights, and even though she was feeling poorly, she was a sport and joined us for one very fancy meal out and treated us to a live performance of "Pussy Panic!" by Dandy Darkly.  It was fab.

Sally's house always has these things in it:

• Cats - Jack, and that other guy.

• Smoke - Aunt Sally smokes up a storm.

• Food - Aunt Sally loves to eat, and so do we, so we always eat with Aunt sally!  Mmm... bagels... mmm...  pasta...  mmm... chinese take out....  toffee...  popcorn...  cheese doodles...  yeah man!

• STUFFF! - Holy.  Shit.  Aunt sally loves to thrift, and her house is full of all kinds of cool stuff.

From African masks, to obscene coffee mugs, to tiny wooden sea creatures, to a heavy brass statuette of an emotionless Chairman Mao sitting in a wicker chair, Aunt Sally's house has it all.  Plus there are piles and piles of vintage clothes, and costume jewelry, and cool purses, and matchbooks, and compacts, and cigarette cases, and old lip sticks, and perfumes, and belts, and SHOES.  Oh my god, the shoes.  Really cute shoes everywhere you look.

Aunt Sally is like the Smaug of vintage stuff, smiling atop her hoard of treasure, surrounded by smoke of her own making...  Of course, Aunt Sally isn't evil like that dang Smaug was!  In fact, she's super nice and really generous!  I'd own that Chairman Mao statuette right now if I only could have fit it into my suitcase.  I said I liked it, and she said, "Oh good, take it!"


Aunt Sally is one of my most fave people ever.  She loves video games, and bad movies, as well as high art and culture.  One of my favorite times with Aunt Sally was playing Wii tennis together, me working up a sweat and straining actual muscles  --  as the game's designers intended  --  while Aunt Sally handed me my ass from her comfy chair with flicks of her wrist, a cigarette in the other hand, barely paying attention to the game and arguing with Dawn about a show at the MoMA or some other high brow shit like that.


She calls people "Darling."  


As in:

"The play last night was dreadful, Darling.  No, I don't blame Michael Cera, I don't even blame the writers!  I blame myself for going.  I should have stayed at the restaurant and finished that wonderful dessert."


That's an uptown, New York "Darling," not a down home Dixie "Darlin'," which has it's own charms, but Aunt Sally is a Northerner through and through.  When Aunt Sally calls you Darling, you feel like you're having breakfast at Tiffany's together, even though you're sitting at her kitchen table, amid the clutter of chotchkies and postcards and copies of Us Weekly, eating left over noodles, and dying from 2nd hand smoke.

If there's a down-side to Aunt Sally's house, it is the cigarette smoke.  My parents smoked when I was a kid, and that's exactly how I feel when I'm at Aunt Sally's:  Like that little kid again, who doesn't understand why the grown-ups smoke.  It's so gross!  Plus, we all know it kills you, and I want my Aunt Sally to live forever!  But, they don't call her Aunt Sally Death Wish for nothin'.  :(  The last time I asked her if she ever planned on quitting, she chuckled.  "No, Darling, but aren't you sweet."


Damn it!!!


Oh well, it's just something I have to put up with if I wanna spend time with Aunt Sally, which I do.  

She rules.

Everybody should have an Aunt Sally!

I LOVE MINE!!!

MY LATEST FOOD COLUMN IS UP ON ASHVEGAS.COM

HEY, NEW YORK!

My latest column on Ashvegas.com is all about our most recent trip to New York City, where we visited with Aunt Sally, and took in the tastes.

Click above, or HERE to read all about it.

A view from the end of Grand Central Market in Grand Central Station, New York City.